So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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