after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
