I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
