Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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