he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
