Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
