I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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