apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
