Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
