So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
