i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
