I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the day after is always just damage control
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
