Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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