i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
