idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
