I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
