Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
