your thong is hanging out like whoa
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
