She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
