you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
