I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
