never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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