i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
