I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
