i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
