You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
