so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The uberlube is also flammable
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
