He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
