You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
