So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
