I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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