I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
