Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
