yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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