the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
