Acid is not a monday night drug
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
