it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
