I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
