the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
