Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Screwed.edu
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
