I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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