Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
