I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
