She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
