He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
