the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
