I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
