I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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