Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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