Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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