RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
