this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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