I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
